Time to Make Like the Grand Canyon and "Echo"

As you think abou tinfluencing someone else (e.g., a client), “understanding” their point of view isn’t enough.

“Understanding” typically means that you’ve translated their words into something meaningful for you.While that’s useful, it’s only a one-way transaction.  To significantly increase your chances of successfully influencing another you must complete the loop.  That is, give them feedback to let them know that you understand what is meaningful for them.

House-hunter:  I’m looking for a house with an immense kitchen area.
Realtor:  So what you’re saying is you want a house with a big kitchen.

Employee:  I know that I made a mistake.
Manager:  That’s okay.  We’ve all been wrong at one time or another.

Each word, phrase, and experience is stored in our brains in a specific place – and it’s different for everyone.

Try it out.  When you think about the word “mistake”, how do you experience it?

If it had a color, what would it be? What size is it?  How does it feel?  Point to where that feeling is located.  Now think about the word “wrong”.  How do you experience it?  Notice what is different between your two experiences.

The client is looking for a feeling of familiarity, of “same-ness”, so give it to them. Language is not like horseshoes or hand grenades – almost isn’t good enough. In order to complete the loop you must be exact.  Use your control of language to re-activate that personal experience your client is conveying to you.  As you do, you’ll be in a significantly better position of influence.

While this approach works well in business and professional environments, I’m sure you can now imagine many other situations in which you can use it.

As you’ve made sense of how it works, how would you change the responses above so that they complete the loop?